Colors of Life and Love
by shadowstealer
Summary: lost in darkness, will Syd ever see color in her life again? S/V
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is the first Alias fic that I've attempted to write. I have this posted over at the SD boards, and it's doing quite well. Feedback is very very very welcome.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Just read and enjoy!  
  
Note: This is a slightly A/U fic. It takes place during no particular time at the moment. **************************************  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Blue.  
  
The heavens above were a clear, cerulean, not a single cloud marred the sky. Syd and Vaughn were lying next to each other on the cool, dewy grass. Both stared upwards, lost in their thoughts and reveling in the comfortable silence. Their hands lay intertwined between the love-struck pair; their faces mirroring each other's joy.  
  
Sydney shifted her position on the grass so that she could stare at Vaughn and said, "Hey, you."  
  
Vaughn rolled over onto his elbow to gaze deep into her eyes. Green warred with brown full force, each singing its battle cry of love and care. Suddenly, Vaughn averted his gaze to their still intertwined hands and begins to stroke her knuckle. The staring contest was over.  
  
"Sucker," Sydney accused in a playful banter.  
  
"Yeah right. I was just humoring you. Miss Wanna-Be Queen of the World. I could beat you at staring any day of the week."  
  
"Whatever, I know you just had to save your big ol' macho, masculine pride. Guys."  
  
"Ouch! That was harsh, Syd. Just because you hafta act all tough toward Sloane doesn't mean you need to pull your tough-ass routine on me.'  
  
With mock infuriation, Sydney rolled over onto her other side, facing away from Vaughn. "Well, while we're at it. We'll see how tough you are Mister Vaughn. You can keep yourself company without me."  
  
Suddenly Syd felt two hands grabbing her sides, tickling the life out of her.  
  
"Stop!" she shrieked unable to subdue the gigantic giggle attack that overcame her.  
  
With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Vaughn just leaned over and replied, "Look's like we're not made of steel are we now? What happened to that smart-ass spy chick?"  
  
Syd was stuck in a helpless plight, unable to stop wheezing and struggling to gasp for air. Her spy days would be over if her enemies knew that tickling her would render her helpless.  
  
Slowly Syd regain her composure when the tickling ceased, and the giggles gradually died down. She looked up at Vaughn, fully prepared for an all out war. Knowingly, Vaughn cocked an eyebrow at her and flashed his lopsided smile. She was a goner, giving up before the battle had begun.  
  
Grinning triumphantly, Vaughn leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Now who's the sucker?"  
  
But before she could snap back, he captured her lips with his own. The kiss was soft and tender, wrought with heartfelt emotion.  
  
Pulling back for air, Sydney simply smiled in defeat, "Looks like you won."  
  
"Oh, yeah? I think I deserve a reward."  
  
Syd only smirked and said nothing to him.  
  
"C'mon so what's my prize?"  
  
"My heart," she answered in full sincerity.  
  
Inching closer to her Vaughn leaned in to give her another kiss.  
  
When a heart-wrenching scream rang out through the silence. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I've finally decided to post a new chapter over here because I have nothing to do at the moment. I thank the one or two persons that I do not know for reviewing. And as for Sarah.I have no clue why she posted 3 times. Maybe she just loves me bunches.  
  
Anyhoo.here's the next chapter. Hope ya like it.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Black.  
  
Sydney awoke to a world of darkness, shrieking as the fiery tingle of pain shot through her right leg. But she was used to it by now. Her woeful wailing was not because of the physical beatings her body suffered through. No, she was mourning for the loss of her dream, that perfect illusion of happiness with the love of her life.  
  
But it was just an illusion.  
  
Reality retaliated with a vicious brutality. Her breathing was labored, coming in short, ragged spasms. Fate was running out of cloth to weave the fabric of Syd's life; she was already hanging on by the threads. Periodic seizures shook her body as she struggled futilely against her bonds, searching the room frantically once more for any means of escape. Yet, she knew it would to be no avail. Hope had long faded from her eyes.  
  
Her face was a mask. A mask to hid the pain. A pain that preyed on her heart. A heart devoid of emotions.  
  
Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. A steady mechanical pace of time.  
  
Time. What did it matter now? Seconds bled into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days. Night and day, day and night. It made no difference. Life had always been black. We are born from darkness, and as we die, we fade into darkness.  
  
Memories. Flashbacks. These were all she had left of her life, a tape that played over and over again.  
  
Green eyes. A Slusho. Zillions of peanut packets from plane trips. Jogging through the park. Laughter. Kings. Blue boxers. A middle drawer.  
  
Now it was all black. Darkness.  
  
Sydney didn't have any tears either. Tears for when she still had life in her. Had hope. All she felt now was pain and numbness. No sorrow or grief. Her warm brown eyes had taken on a glazed look long along.  
  
Her captors knew how to get to her, preying on her weaknesses. Beating her to death and then leaving her in the silence. Letting her wounds fester and grow. They knew that the more they struck and hit her, the more she would fight back, growing more stubborn all the while. But if they left her along to her thoughts, she would grow despondent and eat herself up with her misery.  
  
Self-destruction.  
  
As the pain in her right leg flared up again, Sydney laughed to herself bitterly. Just as things were looking up for her, this had to happen. Whatever a cruel joke. But then again, who was she kidding?  
  
Guess she forgot to take life with a grain of salt.  
  
Well, at least she was alive. After all this time, Syd considered the pain a welcoming sign; it meant that she at least had some feeling in her. She spent half of her conscious time concentrating on steadying her breathing.  
  
Alive. But for how long?  
  
She had dogged bullets, escaped exploding buildings, and taken down SD-6. She had faced a murderous mother, a cold father, and an ass of a director.  
  
Yet, this was her largest obstacle yet, her biggest challenge, her greatest adversary.  
  
Herself.  
  
The battle of mind, body, and soul had begun long ago. The outcome looming closer and closer.  
  
The question was.would she be able to hold out?  
  
Survive.  
  
As she struggled to keep a level head, playing back her memories over and over again, another shockwave of pain racked her body. Her blood felt like liquid fire in her veins.  
  
And the screaming began again.  
  
And she once again faded into unconsciousness. Returning to her illusions.  
  
Her world faded into darkness.  
  
************************************************** three thousand miles away  
  
Vaughn picked up a silver frame from his dresser. It was a picture of Sydney lying on a green, grassy hill under a cloudless cerulean sky.  
  
A solitary tear slipped down his cheek as he collapsed onto his bed.  
  
His world faded into darkness. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Gray.  
  
That's what Syd's present life had become. There were no more fine lines between the real and non-real. The tangible and intangible. Euphoria and anguish melded into one big mass.  
  
There was no black and white. All she saw was gray.  
  
All she had now were her illusions. Lost in her unconsciousness, Syd was able to conjure up fantasies of the bygone days.  
  
Dream.  
  
*********************************************************** The giggles and delightful shrieks of children permeate the surroundings around them. Silver backings of helium balloons caught the glow of the mid-afternoon sun, shimmering in the soft breeze. People young and old were ambling around aimlessly, basking in the warmth of the day. In the distance, chimps were calling to each other, birds were singing their love songs.  
  
The zoo.  
  
Syd and Vaughn, with interlocking hands, were strolling through Primate Canyon, sharing a cookie dough ice cream cone between the two of them. Grinning giddily at each other, they fit right in among the throng of teenage couples.  
  
Bliss.  
  
This was life! Full of color and sparkle; both their eyes sparkled with love and vitality. They were living for each other, hearts strung with a rainbow of emotions.  
  
Sydney suddenly blurted out, "Awww. Vaughn, that little fuzzy one in the corner looks just like you!"  
  
"You mean the one stuffing his face full of banana?"  
  
"Yeah! That one. He looks like he's so cuddly and fluffy."  
  
"You think I'm fluffy? What am I, the Snuggle laundry detergent bear?"  
  
"Naw. You definitely smell better than that stuff."  
  
"Well, thank you, sweetie bear," replied Vaughn with mock sarcasm.  
  
"Your welcome, my little chimpanzee."  
  
By now, they had wandered over to bird paradise. Stopping momentarily to rest, Syd and Vaughn sat down on a bench in front of the pond and watched the swans glide gracefully over the water.  
  
"They're so elegant and beautiful," Syd commented as a pair stretched their snowy white wings.  
  
"Just like you." Vaughn leaned over and pecked her on the cheek.  
  
"Once again, you are such a sucker!"  
  
With a playful glean in his eyes, he slyly answered, "Well, it's not my fault that I just swanna be with you."  
  
"I knew you were my little crazy chimp."  
  
Lost in their mirth, neither one noticed that the sky had suddenly clouded over. Suddenly the sapphire sky lost its luster, fading to a dull.  
  
Gray.  
  
Syd and Vaughn scampered for cover as thunder and lightening shook the sky and big raindrops were hurled at the earth. ************************************* But dreams fade.  
  
Emotions fade.  
  
Colors fade.  
  
Dissolving into gray.  
  
********************************* A/N: Like it? Hate it? Is it even worth continuing? I would really appreciate your comments. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to UKHoneyB, twin*muse, nattie700, pixiefairie6783, Snowman1, MyAlias, AnnaSun, Glittering Pegasus, mm, glitter fish, jennycraig10, and Egyptian Kat for the reviews. They mean a lot to me, and I thank you for taking time to do it!  
  
Same song and dance. Tell me if you like it or hate it please.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Purple.  
  
As Sydney came out her flashback, she attempted in vain to savor the wave of warmth that had washed over her body.  
  
Her body.  
  
Sydney's eyes ventured a glance down, praying for the slimmest chance that she was well and healthy. She couldn't have been farther from the truth. Her once graceful frame was bruised and battered to a violent shade of violet. The once ivory, soft skin was now caked with dried blood and swelling with infection.  
  
Gruesome as it was, those bruises told the story of her existence. They were her life now, her trophies of the endless war she waged with herself and with life. Those purple patches of pain were all that was left of her reality.  
  
Was reality always this painful?  
  
Or are we all just ignorant of what is "real?" Marionettes in a merciless play of pseudo-life, doomed forever to act out redundant roles? Maybe pain was the only reality, reverberating throughout mind, soul, and body.  
  
After all, joy, rage, jealousy, pity, contentment were only a stimulation of the nerves. Mechanical reasons. False.  
  
Purple pains.  
  
************************************ Sydney was in the backyard gardening. As of two weeks ago, she had moved out of the apartment into a quaint, cozy home with maroon shutters and a path of steeping stones leading up to the front door.  
  
By the back door hung a wind chime, singing its merry song in the spring breeze.  
  
A back door. For the first time, she actually had a back door, something substantial behind the façade of deception. Here, in the backyard, she could pour out her soul. Her self.  
  
Flowers. The epitome of every girl's childhood dream: to walk in a meadow full of pansies, daffodils, lilacs, and hyacinth. To gather armfuls of tulips, orchids, and marigolds. To let the faint, fragrant scent of the all-powerful rose grace the air around you.  
  
And so Sydney poured her heart out into her childhood fantasy.  
  
She sowed seeds of sunflowers and buttercups. She grew rows of violets and lilies, tended clusters of gladiolas and snapdragons.  
  
Sydney grew a rainbow of life.  
  
So as she was about to plant the irises, a familiar silhouette approached her from behind. She turned around and gazed into the friendly, familiar eyes of Will.  
  
"Hey Will!" Syd chirped cheerfully.  
  
"What's up, Syd?" replied Will in his good-natured way.  
  
"Nothing much. Ya wanna give me a hand with these flowers over here?"  
  
"Sure, why not? It's a great day to be outside."  
  
"Yeah. Here. Take a spade and well, dig in!"  
  
They made small talk about the weather for a while. Neither of them noticed how much time had gone by; the sun hung low in the sky about to make its dive from the heavens into the sea.  
  
Sydney was bent over, concentrating hard on getting the niche dug for the final iris to plant.  
  
She never saw it coming.  
  
One minute she was pushing and pulling dirt. The next she was out cold as the feeling of a cool needle slid in and out of her skin. All she could do was look up into the eyes of Will with a look of utter despair and perplexity.  
  
He just laughed wickedly and said, "You know, for a spy, you sure have some trust issues. If you can't speak openly with your parents, then why do you pour your heart out to strangers? I can't believe you didn't get suspicious every time I nosed my way into things with my pestering questions! But you were too preoccupied with your other life to notice now, weren't you? Well, I got news for you, babe, you only live once.and you only have one life. The spy life."  
  
By now the sun had almost sunk into oblivion, casting its final departing streaks of amethyst across the sky.  
  
As Will dragged her body out to the standardized black van, he sneered, "Hey, Syd? Guess what? You're human, and ignorant like all the other."  
  
******************************** Ignorant. God knows how long she'd been stuck here in this cell.  
  
It was all just one big play. One big misconception.  
  
But she was awake now, and she saw the sea of purple pain that swam before her eyes.  
  
The last iris never did get planted.  
  
A/N: ??????? 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Once again, thanks to Egyptian Kat, Karmen, snowangel4, and ILoveTheMatrix for reviewing. I hope you guys like this chapter, and I would LOVE some feedback so I can know what the heck I'm doing.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
White.  
  
Blinding light. Light? That couldn't have been right. Sydney hadn't even seen the shadow of day in what? weeks? months? years?  
  
No, of course not, it was those hallucinations again. The only difference now was that they were fuzzy, eroded by the waves of time. No longer could she remember specific events or people. Sydney couldn't even think of her own middle name.  
  
All her illusions now came in short bursts of color. Blue. Red. Green. Yellow. Orange. And now it was white.  
  
Forgetting did not bother her anymore. She knew she wasn't real, why bother with the trifles of falsity? No, what hurt her the most was that she was no longer able to hear his voice. To smell him, to taste him, or hear him laugh. He was real. But now Sydney could not feel his warmth, see the sparkle in his eyes.  
  
All she saw was a soul-shattering smile.  
  
No face. No name. No nothing. Blinding unreal.  
  
White. This was definitely not Cloud 9.  
  
Her mind was once again deceiving her, preying on her weakness for survival. She heard sound, a cacophony of shouting echoed throughout the cell, taunting her to believe in reality. As the racket grew louder with the pounding in her head, Sydney dared herself to wake up.  
  
Beat herself at her own game of deceit. Prove that the world was made of silence and pain.  
  
But suddenly, the door to her cell burst open. Dazzling white light streamed out, blinding Sydney with its intensity. Still, the shouting grew. She knew it then.  
  
She had gone over the edge, flirting with the edges of death.  
  
"Agent Bristow, are you conscious? We're CIA Special Ops. We're here to rescue you ma' am. Agent Bristow?" a voice said from the chaos of noise.  
  
"NO! Don't listen to him, Agent Bristow! Sloane has sent a special task force out to find you. Don't be fooled by them. We're the ones here to rescue you!" yelled another voice from above the dim.  
  
Heading swimming with thoughts of death and the end, Sydney struggled to sit up as someone cut through her bonds. What? That question kept reverberating through her mind. Who knew dying was so complicated?  
  
Somewhere between the clamor of the men and the banging in her head, Syd found the sense to pinch her left arm. She felt a sharp jolt of pain.  
  
Pain, welcome to reality. Pain was real. This was real.  
  
Alive. She was alive and suddenly being pushed to the door. The men kept shouting at each other, each claiming to be her rescuers, each pushing and pulling at her.  
  
As Sydney paused on the threshold of the cell, white dueled with black until the brightness won out, growing in intensity each passing moment.  
  
Suddenly, as she crosses the final barrier, the white light hits her full on, washing Sydney in all its warm. Embracing. She was back. Step by step she had bridged the gap between Real and Unreal. A surge of emotions assaulted her as she made her way into the day. Sadness. Joy. Gratitude. Anger. Confusion.  
  
Here, under the glow of the golden jewel of the sky, more men clad in black were shouting at each other. Foreign words like the CIA and SD-6 were tossed around. The two rivals were each clearly vying for Sydney.  
  
But why was she so important? After all this time, she was just a being with working lungs. Her soul was lost; colorful memories buried under a mountain black silence.  
  
As soon as Sydney made her way fully into the midst of the throng, two men started rushing toward her, both racing to get to her as if their life depended on it.  
  
A dirty blonde man in his mid-thirties reached Sydney first and flashed her a dazzling smile filled with warmth and welcome. His eyes sparkled with delight in the midday sun.  
  
"I've missed you so much, Syd. It's good to see you safe now," he stated with as much compassion in his voice as he could muster.  
  
"Syd. He called me Syd. Only he would call me that," Sydney thought, mind digging deep for memories. A smile. Clear, sparkling eyes. That was all she was able to dig up, but it was enough for her. "This is him."  
  
And without further ado, Sydney rushed eagerly into the arms of Sark.  
  
Three feet away, the other man stopped dead in his tracks, face draining to a ghastly white. His emerald eyes clouded over with a pearly haze.  
  
A/N: Lame? Cliché? Good? Horrific? Please tell me, and I will willing oblige. 


End file.
